Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Feeling a little lost...

Kinda feel like I'm walking down a foggy path...
Spots of sun, but can't see what lies ahead. Enjoying the path and scenery... but walking based on trust that the fog will not lead me astray.

Sometimes living this way is refreshing. It allows you to focus on the now. It allows you to reach out and bond with others for guidance when the fog is too thick, and you realize you are not the first to walk this path. It allows you to stumble along without the impact of knowing the next chapter before it happens. You embrace the flowers that pop up along the way, and admire how pretty they look against the gray. It allows you to imagine and visualize what you want and wish to be waiting there beyond the fog.

For a major planner, all this unknowing, guessing, and dreaming can also be kind of scary. But it is teaching me that no matter what I have come across on my life path, it has not been anything that I couldn't either embrace or conquer.

I am kind of feeling in this funky fog for a few months now. The mild weather with rain and fallen leaves, slowly taunting winter to take his cold dark grip on the East Coast. I heard rumors of snow this weekend, so maybe he is finally emerging from the fog as well.

Ok I am done with all the artistically gray language and instead will just list a couple updates as I don't really have a whole put together post about any one thing in particular that's fogging up my woodlands.

2. Can't get myself to go to the gym, and also can't stop buying all the horrible snacks like pop tarts and donuts and fruit snacks. I think I have a full blown sugar addiction going right now, which only makes things worse as my pants get tighter and my face breaks out more and more.
3. The worst is already feeling crappy, and then trying to hide from the world deeper and deeper into the couch under a comforter, especially when this means hiding from friend's phone calls. If I know I would feel better if I would just get myself together and go out and hang- why do I keep pretending I am in a perpetual nap every evening and weekend? Oh wait, I do nap alot.

I think I'll be 100% better if I take care of #2. But I can too easily talk myself out of it right now. The tipping point is coming though. This is just how I work- tend to be an all or nothing kind of mentality.

Ok enough with that fog bearing down on me- overall work is good, David is great, Cake is cute, I love my family, and it's Christmas time!!!

** New grafitti background- not only because I have always loved street art, but recently saw a documentary on Banksy.